Thank you Dick Van Dyke

As I've mentioned in past posts, I work in adult foster care. There are only two residents in my house, both with behavioral issues. Often the woman gets riled up.  Sometimes she'll scream for hours and we can't figure out what she wants because of her limited language. She says "yes" and "no" quite clearly, some swears come through, and also "Shut up","Go"and "No, You!!" This used to be a problem for me, but recently I learned a trick. And it's beautiful.

I try to make her fart.

I know...this sounds real weird and slightly gross. But keep reading. Lacey (not her real name) farts when she laughs. Not when she fake laughs or pity laughs. She farts when she's laughing so hard that her eyes water and she can no longer breathe. Sometimes I wonder if it could be a health hazard to try to make her laugh so hard, but I figure it works her abs at the same time. Also, they say laughter is good for the soul.

So I tease Lacey. I give her stuff to throw across the room (because when I'm upset, I often want to throw stuff across the room...socks, pillows and whatnot). Then I act appalled that she would make such a mess, "Lacey Rose, I cannot believe what you just did!!!" Usually, at this point, a half laugh spews. Then I pick up whatever she threw and throw it behind me to demonstrate her awful cleaning methods. Usually, ( a little slapstick here...I give a heartfelt "thanks" to Dick Van Dyke for teaching me all I know) the sock ends up landing on my head. Her laughter increases slightly. Lastly, I sing her a song, usually about putting lip balm between her toes or reminding her to tell me when she has to fart so I can roll her into the other resident's room (no worries, we never actually do this. I love him too!!!). By the time one executes the Dick Van Dyke trip-and-roll, Lacey is usually farting.

The thing about Lacey that I love:
She detests my put-together fake version of me. She thinks it boring and, literally, can't stand to be around me...the Super-Hannah that I pull out in front of supervisors and people coming in on a house tour. Sometimes she'll cuss that Hannah out.  You want to know what she loves though... the crazy nut with messy hair that stumbles around making stupid jokes and sticking pencils in her ears. She loves when I have the audacity to stick a pencil in my ear , or when I tell her that she's to head up the next dance and then request the dosey doe in a southern drawl. In short, she calls me out when I whip out the fake smile and put-together front.

No one has ever done that before.

people who "stinketh"

So, for some time now, I’ve been pondering writing about people who “stinketh,” taking the stinketh from John 11 when Jesus goes to raise Lazarus from the dead. Martha is appalled at the thought and says, “but Lord, he stinketh!” Jesus goes regardless of the stench and raises Lazarus from the dead. He raises him, creating a miracle out of the rot that lazarus had become. So, as I was thinking a bout this idea, the people who metaphorically, “stinketh” I believe this will be the subject of this blog—me being the ultimate stinker—the stinker at the top of the list, of course. For any reader who may perchance to stumble across this blog, please scold me if I patronize people. I periodically need someone to say, “Hannah, I’m not a dog. Stop patting me on the head.”

By the way, it is my firm opinion that all people “stinketh”, and that most have been/were dead for much more than four days. Some may be dry, dusty bones right now. Fortunately for us, Jesus has the power to raise us from our smelly states—so when I say people who stinketh, what I really mean is people in general--ALL people! So, if I write about you … uuuhhhmmmm … Susie (no worries, i won't use your real name, Dick.) … please take it as an absolute compliment, a form of endearment because you must have taught me something of great importance.