Heirloom

Someone told me the other day that calling old people, “old people” is rude, politically incorrect, they’d prefer to be called something else. This 25-year-old couldn’t know from experience, but I’ve been trying to procure a reasonable name for the older generation ever since. You see, I usually prefer the company of old people. Old women aren’t judgmental and old men don’t objectify me. They’re patient in the face of my firing questions and are willing to give all sorts of great advice. Lately, I’ve been a regular at this coffee shop that lends itself to an older crowd. Older women run it and are more than willing to give you an extra squirt of caramel syrup if your latte isn’t sweet enough—no charge in a $0.25 per squirt world.  The other day, a group of eight 65+ entered. I recorded a sample conversation:

OM1: I have an old rototiller that won’t start. I don’t know what to do with it.

OM2: Well, why won’t it start?

OM1: I don’t know! Probably because I haven’t run it in 15 years!

OM2: Sits back in his chair, “Vintage. That's what the kids are calling it nowadays.”

OL1:  Brightens and sits tall in her seat, “I’d say it’s more like heirloom!”

 At the end of their meeting, one of the vintage men pulled out all the women’s chairs, and then proceeded to compliment each heirloom as she walked out.